inside dog

Coming up short.

I have a lot to say. I have a lot of catching up to do. I have things to tell you about the 13.1 miles I ran a week and a half ago!

But right now I'm just ... empty.

Our life is a little crazy right now. Right before the race Sydney developed bacterial pneumonia in her left lung. She was pretty sick for two weeks, and for the record having a doctor look me in the eye and tell me that my daughter most definitely had pneumonia is now on my "Worst Moments In Life" list. My family came into town to celebrate Christmas with us and to run and volunteer at the race. And now we are back to the grind of preschool and activities. I can't seem to catch my breath. I can't seem to get ahead. My house is a wreck. The kids randomly quit napping last week and go to bed at 6:30 because I don't have the fight to wrestle them back into routine right now. John is working long hours and has set up an office in the garage. We do a lot of stepping around each other these days and it sucks, both of us trying to get ahead on work and failing miserably. Today Sydney cut a chunk out of her own bangs at school and so I had to spend the afternoon at the kids' hair salon getting her bangs whacked a LOT too short to even out the damage.

I am tired. And now I'm training for a marathon. And that's daunting and in my face and I keep waiting to wake up one morning and feel rested and walk into a clean kitchen and be all ready to put my shoes on and tackle it but I need to somehow square with the facts: It ain't gonna happen. At least not anytime soon. I am going to run tired. My kids are going to wake up in the night before I have to do a long run. I'm not going to feel like running sometimes. I am going to have to fight for this. I feel accomplished for running the half marathon but I am also very aware that it's not enough right now. This journey is not even close to finished.

I want to keep my mind on the fight.

I want to keep running.

But I also want to crawl under a rock and hide for a week.

I don't know what this is. I keep wondering if maybe it's normal to get depressed after you run a big race. I keep thinking that maybe I'll be able to turn a corner soon and find a spare minute to write my Big! Race! Post! But life is piling up hard these days, man.

Hope to get out from under the pile soon.

Love,

Manda

The home stretch

Yesterday my sister and I took a final spin around the neighborhood before the race on Sunday: 4 miles.

"Just four miles!" We said to one another as we put on our shoes and headed out the door. The sun was shining. The kids were napping. This'll be easy! Fun, even!

I couldn't have been more wrong.

A mile in my legs started aching. My mouth was dry. I was struggling.

Bewildered, I shouted out "WHY DO I FEEL SO CRAPPY?" It was only four miles. What. The. Heck. Why were my legs so heavy? Why did I feel so slow?

My sister replied: "Tough week, Manda. It's been crazy."

And she's right. Syd came down with a fever last Sunday, which quickly developed into a cough, which robbed her of sleep and her appetite and finally when I took her to urgent care on Wed. after the temperature wouldn't abate and she wasn't getting any better and they diagnosed her with pneumonia in her left lung you could have knocked me over with a feather.

She started to get back to her old self Thursday night. But her body is all thrown off because she's not doing her usual activities and is taking these monster 4-hour naps, so she hasn't fallen asleep until past 9 pm the last two nights.

My family is in town visiting (and my mom and sister are running the half with me!), and John has been working around the clock making the final preparations for the race weekend. I've been on parental duty around the clock for nearly two weeks. I'm the one getting up in the night pretty much every night. I'm the one holding Sydney down and squirting medicine down her throat, taking her temperature, fetching her popsicles, all of it.

So to say that I'm "worn out" would be the understatement of the century. I can't remember the last time I had any time to myself. As the race approaches TOMORROW it couldn't have been a worse time for me to bonk on my last "easy" run. Mentally I just feel so done right now. For the first time on Friday I looked at my sister and wondered out loud, "I hope I can do this."

Guys? On Saturday I ran 10.57 miles and felt GREAT! I was like, BAM! I just OWNED you ten miles!! And now a crappy little four mile run has me totally bent out of shape. I went to bed last night with aching legs. I limped around all afternoon as if I'd busted out 8 minute miles (I hadn't. Not even close). All of this time I've been training I've felt amazing. I can only remember one other discouraging run, and I was pushing a stroller that time.

Right now? I really want to quit. But you know why I can't?

Because YOU GUYS have supported me in this run. Because I'm not running for myself or to meet some little goal I've arbitrarily set for myself.

My fundraising total for the half marathon I'm running tomorrow stands at $1077.40. That represents 21 people in Africa who now have clean water. And that's not because I've done anything great or have run some great training runs or even because I'm running this stupid race tomorrow in my orange shirt. It's because YOU care. It's because YOU gave. It's because YOU wanted to help someone and you freaking went for it.

And so? With my aching legs I will get up at 4 o'clock tomorrow morning. I will put on my orange shirt and I will pin on my race bib and I will go for it. I might bonk again. It might take me four hours. BUT I DO NOT CARE. Because I know that somewhere out there, you guys are rooting for me. You're praying for Africa. You cared enough to do something to help someone who needed help.

And that's what matters, here in the home stretch. That's all that really matters.

I'll see you at the starting line.

Love,

Manda

p.s. It's not too late!! You can still help! Remember, $50 provides one person with the clean water they need to live FOR THE REST OF THEIR LIFE. Any amount helps, and we can partner together to get this done. I will run the miles. YOU will get a free recycled t-shirt scarf! Kids in Africa will get clean water. We all win!

The runner's adolescence.

Becoming a runner again has had its awkward moments. In some ways, for me anyway, it's like going through adolescence all over again. Suddenly I have an ingrown hair in my armpit and one on a random place on my thigh. This morning I looked down and noticed that my toenail was bleeding. "Oh. That's interesting" was all I thought about it before I moved on. My feet are swollen and red in certain places. When I come in from a run I smell like a junior high phys ed class. My running clothes are always in the wash. My face is breaking out. I never have time to do more than slap a hat on my head before I head out. My legs are always sore and I'm always hungry and thirsty. When I'm out running I never know where to put my arms and trip on my own feet all the time.

So basically, running is turning me into a 14-year-old boy. Which is probably super attractive to my husband (and anyone who is unfortunate enough to run into me at the grocery store or on the trail ... I am in the same state in either place because working out now takes up any small amount of time I had for hygiene).

It's been a long time since I took working out seriously. I'd forgotten the aches and pains that comes along with forward movement.

But what I'd also forgotten is what regular exercise does to my personality: it makes me generally nicer and easier to live with. It makes me feel good and it makes my pants fit better. It reminds me of how strong I really am, it throws into sharp relief how lucky I am to be able to just pick up running again and suffer (so far, fingers crossed!) no injuries. I mean, I am still a little surprised to report that my body can take it. That mentally I can do this. HOW WEIRD.

On Saturday I faced what has been my hardest running challenge yet, which was 6 miles while pushing both kids in the jogging stroller. John had to visit a team about an hour away on Saturday morning, and could not make our group run. Saturday group runs mean my long run for the week, and it also means that my husband is the donkey and I get to just run. It's awesome. He handles the toys and shoes flung into the sidewalk, passes out the GoGurts, breaks up the fights, keeps everyone entertained (and he still clocks ten minute miles and shepherds our group and makes sure no one gets lost, sheesh) while I settle into my 11-minute miles and my own head space. This is how I ran 8 miles two weeks ago and felt amazing. This is why I love group run Saturdays.

But on this particular day, I was to be the donkey. The farthest I'd ever run and pushed the stroller was maybe three miles. I'd set my alarm for 6:45, enough time to drag myself up and get dressed, get a cup of coffee and a bowl of cereal, scoop the kids out of bed and bundle them into the jogging stroller with their snacks and be ready to leave the house. But of course, in a stupor, when my iPhone alarm went off I accidentally turned it off instead of hitting snooze and jolted awake to find that my clock read 7:15. I frantically raced about trying to get ready and get the kids ready and didn't make it out the door until 8. CRAP. I headed straight to the route from the house and bypassed the coffee shop and began searching the horizon for orange shirts.

Finally, our friend Mike (who usually leads the group and clocks 8 minute miles), approached about a mile in. We high fived, he told me the turnaround point, we wished each other a Merry Christmas and off we went. One by one our friends from group came up the hill and high-fived, most of them surprised to see that I'd made it out. I pushed up the big hill before the drop to the beach. I held on for dear life as I eased the giant stroller down the beach ramp dusted in a slippery coating of white sand. I rescued shoes and toys. We stopped at the bathroom once.

And before I knew it we were nearly done. The way had been so slow, but now we were catching up to the walkers at the back of the group! They couldn't believe that I'd pushed the stroller up the beach ramp alone (and I told them that I had the booty lock to prove that I HAD in fact done it!). It took me 1 hour, 21 minutes and 5 seconds to complete 5.92 miles.

But now I know I can do it. It can be done.

Running as a mother has been a totally different ball game for me, guys. My daughter has not slept well for two weeks, and usually? Being sleep-deprived is the perfect excuse for me to NOT run because I am one of those people who cannot function on little sleep. And yet as soon as the kids get up from nap today, John and I are loading them into the stroller and heading out to get another six miles (he did a P90X workout earlier today to make up for my slow pace. RUB IT IN, why dontcha!? ha ha!). And what's the weirdest? I'm actually looking FORWARD to it. Sydney is sick with a cold right now and was in hysterics at one a.m. because she had BOOGERS in her nose and couldn't get to sleep and yet? I WANT TO RUN?

Dudes. Who AM I?

All of this is an awesome side effect of what is being borne of all the running. Training means that I will be able to run a half marathon in a few weeks. Which represents? The 53 people in Africa that my friends - the readers of this blog - have given the gift of water. This cup is running over and spilling out into all areas of my life, and it all began with this idea that I would just ask people for help. I would tell them what's going on in Africa, tell the stories of people who do not have clean water, and try to connect the people who could help to the people who needed help.

And it's working. And it's awesome. One person at a time lives are being changed.

There is still time to do something huge in the life of a person in Africa. Just $50 is enough to provide one person with clean water for the rest of their lives, but anything helps.

click here to donate

Your donations are tax-deductible and go directly to World Vision (only a few days left in December to get tax deductions in!). And remember! If you donate $26.20 or more, you get a free recycled t-shirt scarf! And you could look like THIS!

Lauren modeling her t-shirt scarf like a boss. A boss who loves to give clean water.

(and did I mention that these scarves are kid-friendly and easy to care for? Just throw them in the washer and dryer ... like a t-shirt. BOOM.)

Thank you for giving clean water. Thank you for giving a child a chance to go to school. Thank you for taking children out of harm's way on the road to water and at water sources. Thank you for doing something to protect children and their families against avoidable diseases like typhoid, cholera, and giardia. Thank you for giving mothers back the lives of their children. Thank you for giving new life to communities that are in desperate need of help. Thank you for reaching out and for your support and for running with me on this journey. When the road is hard, when the stroller is heavy, when I'm headed uphill and don't know if I can make it I think of all the people at my back, cheering for me and praying for me and partnering with me on behalf of our brothers and sisters in Africa.

Thank you.

With love from your sweaty, awkward friend,

Manda

Thank you from Team World Vision and Joyce

This video is only 30 seconds long, and it cuts straight to the point.

Thank you for clean water. Because of my friends, 53 people in Africa will now have clean water. No more dangerous, time-consuming walks to contaminated water sources. Much less disease and death. A chance at a new life.

Thank you.

Merry Christmas!

God Rest Ye

Merry Christmas my friends! I pray these days are kind to you. With all of my heart I hope that you have a blessed and warm holiday with family and friends and comfort and home and all things lovely. We are spending our time together as a family and counting all our blessings (and let's face it, watching Christmas Vacation and eating our weight in goodies).

Much love from our household to yours.

-Manda

"'⁸And there were in the same country shepherds abiding in the field, keeping watch over their flock by night. ⁹And, lo, the angel of the Lord came upon them, and the glory of the Lord shone round about them: and they were sore afraid. ¹⁰And the angel said unto them, Fear not: for, behold, I bring you tidings of great joy, which shall be to all people. ¹¹For unto you is born this day in the city of David a Savior, which is Christ the Lord. ¹²And this shall be a sign unto you; Ye shall find the babe wrapped in swaddling clothes, lying in a manger. ¹³And suddenly there was with the angel a multitude of the heavenly host praising God, and saying, ¹⁴Glory to God in the highest, and on earth peace and goodwill towards men.'"

"...And that's what Christmas is all about, Charlie Brown."

The cart before the horse

Have you ever run with a jogging stroller? It is a challenge like no other. Not only do you have to pack it just so, not too heavy but with the essentials, you have to keep your kids entertained.

Hey! Squeezable yogurt! Great idea!

Oh wait.

(and yes I forgot the baby wipes that day)

(on the long runs, Daddy does the pushing. Sometimes I wish I could fit in there too)

Mama up ahead in orange.

And sometimes? When you're on mile 4-ish and you can't bear stopping ONE MORE TIME? You defeatedly pass over your iPhone and let your 3-year-old go wild. And this is what you get:

Running with a stroller is hard. It's heavy. Your kids throw things over the side. They pinch each other. You have to stop. Give snacks. Wipe noses. Push it up hills. Hold onto it for dear life as it drags you down inclines.

But when you're running with a stroller your mind cannot help but wander to the children in Africa who walk for 6-8 hours a day carrying a 40-pound jug of water. The miles that they cover under heavy burden is nothing compared to the slick ride of our fancy stroller.

And we care about that. So we run.

It is hard for me to accept sometimes how easy it is to do something. All I have to do is pack my kids up in a stroller and run a few miles. Ask a few people to sponsor me. And for just $50 one person's need for clean water can be eliminated.

Click here to donate. And don't forget! Everyone who donates $26.20 or more gets a free recycled t-shirt scarf!

So this is Christmas

Christmas mugs full of coffee and eggnog.

Disneyland all decked out for the holidays.

It's A Small World!

John (and his little helper) making his Grandma's famous peanut butter fudge.

Our favorite decorations.

Cinnamon applesauce ornaments!

Gingerbread men...

Gingerbread house with Daddy and Uncle Josh!!

Christmas ham!

Christmas tuckered

 

Our season this year has been oh so merry and bright. I hope yours has been the same!

 

From Luke 1

²⁶ In the sixth month of Elizabeth’s pregnancy, God sent the angel Gabriel to Nazareth, a town in Galilee, ²⁷ to a virgin pledged to be married to a man named Joseph, a descendant of David. The virgin’s name was Mary. ²⁸ The angel went to her and said, “Greetings, you who are highly favored! The Lord is with you.”

 ²⁹ Mary was greatly troubled at his words and wondered what kind of greeting this might be. ³⁰ But the angel said to her, “Do not be afraid, Mary; you have found favor with God. ³¹ You will conceive and give birth to a son, and you are to call him Jesus. ³² He will be great and will be called the Son of the Most High. The Lord God will give him the throne of his father David, ³³ and he will reign over Jacob’s descendants forever; his kingdom will never end.”

 ³⁴ “How will this be,” Mary asked the angel, “since I am a virgin?”

 ³⁵ The angel answered, “The Holy Spirit will come on you, and the power of the Most High will overshadow you. So the holy one to be born will be called the Son of God. ³⁶ Even Elizabeth your relative is going to have a child in her old age, and she who was said to be unable to conceive is in her sixth month. ³⁷ For no word from God will ever fail.”

 ³⁸ “I am the Lord’s servant,” Mary answered. “May your word to me be fulfilled.” Then the angel left her.

How to style your new t-shirt scarf (a video)

A few disclaimers: When I made this video I was VERY tired, Sydney was running around the house looking for mischief, and the lighting is bad. AND YET! I feel compelled to post it on the internet for all to see. OOPS!

I am so thankful for everyone who has donated to clean water! If you donated and you haven't emailed me your mailing address at insidedog{at}gmail{dot}com yet, please do so I can send you your scarf! If you'd like a t-shirt scarf, just donate $26.20 or more for clean water in Africa!

I am running the LA 13.1 in January and the LA Marathon in March with Team World Vision and asking people to sponsor me just one dollar per mile. One hundred percent of every donation goes directly to World Vision's work to develop water sources in communities in Eastern Africa. It costs just $50 to provide one person with clean water for the rest of their life. It is my goal that by the time I run the LA Marathon in March, we will have given the gift of clean water to at least 100 people. We are already almost halfway there!

Here's where all this began. The African Love necklace and Meyer Lemon raffle ended last week, but anyone who donates $26.20 or more to either race I am running, the LA 13.1 or the LA Marathon, gets a free t-shirt scarf as a token of my appreciation!

Have a great day and wear your scarves in good health. I am looking forward to seeing photos of you all sporting your scarves! When you get them, email me a photo and I'll (with your permission) put them up on the blog. I can't wait!

Much love, Manda

T-shirt scarves and survival

Last night I made 20 t-shirt scarves.

I sat there, watching a movie and cutting strips of t-shirts, tying them together, in disbelief of how overwhelming the response has been to provide clean water for children in Africa. And you know what's crazy? I have probably more than 20 scarves still to make. What an incredible, humbling experience this all is.

My husband - now home from his Uganda trip - has been sharing more and more of his experiences with our family, friends, neighbors and our church community. The other day he was talking about a visit he and the team made to an area where a water project had begun only two months earlier. John had the chance to ask what he thought was a simple question: "Have you seen any changes in your community since this water project began?"

The response? Everyone burst out with stories to tell. The translator had to quiet them down because everyone started talking at once and she couldn't translate any of it. Finally, one woman took the floor. On her fingers she listed the following: "In two months, we have had no kidnappings, no rapes, no cases of malaria, no drownings. This water has changed our lives."

These are things I stupidly never considered. That a water source itself is dangerous. A person - most likely a child or woman - bends over to draw water and finds themselves vulnerable. I have talked about the predators that lurk on the road to water, but it never occurred to me that predators would also wait at the water. It never occurred to me that while drawing up a 5 gallon (which weighs 40 pounds when full) water container, accidents could easily happen. My daughter - who is a healthy 3-year-old in the 90th percentile for weight - weighs in at 37 pounds.  A jug of milk could tip her over easily. Imagine a child her size trying to pull up a 40-pound container on a rope. A child that does not know how to swim. God help me.

This is why we fight. This is why I am running. So that a daily struggle to survive becomes as easy as turning on a spigot. Can you even imagine?

I am so thankful for you all! When you wear your scarves I hope you will be reminded of the lives you have changed! I hope you will think of the communities that are being transformed. Thank you for what you have done. Wear your scarves with pride and tell people where they came from. Tell people why you gave. So far we have raised $2424.40 for clean water in Africa. Forty-eight people will never have to drink dirty water again or risk the journey to acquire it.

Just two more to go to reach our goal of fifty people by Christmas! Any amount helps and anyone who gives just one dollar per mile receives a t-shirt scarf! Just $50 is enough to provide one person with the water they need to survive for the rest of their life! Click here to join with us.

 

Matthew 10:42

The Message (MSG)

 ^40-42"We are intimately linked in this harvest work. Anyone who accepts what you do, accepts me, the One who sent you. Anyone who accepts what I do accepts my Father, who sent me. Accepting a messenger of God is as good as being God's messenger. Accepting someone's help is as good as giving someone help. This is a large work I've called you into, but don't be overwhelmed by it. It's best to start small. Give a cool cup of water to someone who is thirsty, for instance. The smallest act of giving or receiving makes you a true apprentice. You won't lose out on a thing."

8 Mile (in which both you and Africa WIN!)

Have I ever mentioned that for a brief stint about 8 years ago I was a college instructor? For the most part, I think I was a fairly decent teacher. I tried to be entertaining and interesting in class, and I cut my freshmen a LOT of slack. The one thing that would always trip me up while teaching composition was when I had to collect and grade a stack of papers. The few times I promised those papers to my students at a certain time, I would almost ALWAYS miss the deadline. I'm sure it was frustrating for my students, but it was REALLY irritating for me to not deliver as promised. It always seemed like the universe was up against me when I had grading to get done. I mean, have you ever tried to grade like 90 essays in a two-day period and then calculate final grades once you're done with that?! It's pretty much the Worst Ever.

And thus answers the question "Why didn't you stick with teaching?"

ANYWAY! This is to say that I promised to announce a raffle winner on Saturday. I have been crawling out of my skin trying to find a moment to draw names and write this post! And of course here we are on Monday. OOPS (and let's just cut the suspense and say that the scarves didn't go out on Saturday as I hoped either but TODAY IS THE DAY *crosses fingers*).

But first I must tell you something:

On Saturday I ran 8 miles. The furthest I've run since before I was pregnant with Sydney.

Going into it I was pretty freaked out. Last week we didn't sleep much around here. I think I got about 10 cumulative hours of sleep in three days (Wed, Thurs, and Friday night). Wednesday and Thursday the kids were both up in the night and I ended up sleeping part of both nights in Elijah's crib. Yes, I said IN HIS CRIB (and to your question "HOW?!" I will reply that I fold myself up like a wallet and don't get much rest. But the baby calms down! WHEE!). The night before the run I was up until 2 am making gingerbread men for Sydney's preschool holiday party.

In which the gingerbread men lie there asleep MOCKING ME.

The next morning my alarm went off at 6:15. And then 6:30. And then 6:45. And then 7. At which point I started slapping myself in the face to try and wake myself up. And then I checked Twitter on my phone. And then Facebook. And then Sydney tiptoed into my room and it was a whirlwind of panic for the next thirty minutes as I frantically tried to get the three of us ready (John had gone ahead to mark the route for the other runners). I even called my neighbor to see if there was a remote chance she could watch the kids for me during the run (she was not available).

I made sure to eat a bowl of cereal. I made sure to drink my coffee. Then we loaded up the jogging stroller and got to work. Since I was running late I jogged to the coffee shop where we begin our group runs ... half a mile. My body was PISSED. It was cold outside (cold for California!), I was running on empty after just 4 hours of sleep, I hadn't run all week ... it was all stacked against me and I was very discouraged as I pushed the stroller up the hill.

But then we got going. John was there to push the stroller (and Maggie too! Thank you for your encouragement, my friend!) and for the first mile I kept up with him. Um, he's fast ... I ran a 10 minute mile with him, but after a mile and a half he ran up ahead to make sure people weren't getting lost. After that I settled into my 11-minute pace, paused every so often to take a photo, and before I knew it I was on the home stretch. Eight miles under my belt. I still can't believe it.

After the run I limped home, got showered and dressed, and we all headed to Sydney's preschool holiday party. One of the other moms (the one who planned the event) DARED me to get up on stage and sing "Frosty The Snowman" in front of everyone for a hundred dollar donation to Team World Vision and clean water. Um, YES! And I even made myself a special hat for the occasion!

 

You guys? If I'll run eight miles for clean water? Making a total fool of myself in front of our entire preschool community is CAKE! And guess what? My friend made good on her donation and another family from the preschool donated a hundred bucks too. FOUR MORE people have clean water. Our current tally is at $2244.40. Forty-four people will now never have to risk the walk to a contaminated water source again. THAT IS AWESOME!

Which brings me to the BIG ANNOUNCEMENT! Our raffle winners!

We put everyone's name in our special jingle bell hat and had a very scientific process. It was legit, y'all.

And we are happy to announce the winners! Our runner-up, and the winner of the box of Meyer Lemons from Elizabeth is ....

Jennie! Congrats Jennie! I'm so grateful for your friendship and support. You can check out Jennie's awesome blog here, and also check out Jennie's labors of love Style Lush and Food Lush. I am so blessed to know Jennie and to be a part of the Style Lush team. She is one of the finest people I know, and that goes for real life AND the internet.

And finally! The winner of the African Love necklace is ...

Kara! Congrats Kara and thank you for donating. Kara sent me the sweetest email, you guys. She's 21 years old and in college and does NOT find my blog boring! See?! Manda's still GOT IT! In all seriousness, Kara? I hope that whenever you wear your necklace you are reminded of the life that you helped to save in East Africa. I am so grateful to you on behalf of a person across the world who will never have to drink dirty water again.

I am so grateful to ALL OF YOU. Please know that as I put your names into our jingle bell hat, I thanked God for each of you. As I work on your scarves and address the packages my heart is just so full of love and gratitude for those of you who are joining with me to provide clean water to our brothers and sisters in Africa. It is a life-giving gift. It's water, but it's so much more. It's a chance at a new life.

This Christmas you have been compelled to give, and my hope is that by December 25th we will know that at least 50 people have clean water.

We have just eight people left to go to reach that goal. Any amount helps, and if you donate just one dollar per mile ($26.20), you will get a free t-shirt scarf!

No matter what, I will keep running. And frankly? I cannot wait to hear news of an entire continent covered in fresh, clean water. And it will be because this Christmas season? We did something awesome together to help make that happen.

Donate here to the half marathon.

Donate here to the marathon.