If you've ever met me the words "clumsy" or "emphatic" might come to mind. I've been known to fall up the stairs; say inappropriate things loudly at inappropriate times; and blame innanimate objects, the dogs, or my husband for moving my purse, my keys, or any manner of necessary items when I can't find them two seconds before I exit the house and am already late.
For instance, there was the time as a first-time college instructor (age 22) where I felt that it would be funny to tell my composition students that I didn't want any papers about masterbation even though "everyone does it." After a dramatic pause someone started laughing, I turned beet red, and the rest of the semester was pretty much flushed down the toilet. I always thought that I'd somehow learn to control my impulse to NOT think before talking but unfortunately the only thing that has dissipated as I've gotten older is shame. Ah well.
Therefore, it probably came as no surprise to anyone on Saturday night when I performed my latest feat of wonder. John and I were over at Lily and Troy's place for one of our many game marathons (this week's poison was Rummikub, although lately we've been super into Skip-bo). The baby was in bed, and we were getting competitive. John and I started our usual smack-talk and I thought I'd be all cool and give him the old "talk to the hand" ... without looking. Of course, John was in the middle of taking a swig of coffee and whaddaya know, I smacked the bottom of his mug, sending a wave -- oh yes it was a full cup -- of decaffienated glory all over his Rocky t-shirt and shorts. It was astounding how soaked he got. After the initial shock wore off and the floor and table and John were towelled off, we had a good laugh. Good-natured, wonderful Johnny put up with a wet t-shirt for the rest of the evening. A sassy mouth and endless patience ... how could I NOT marry that man?
Well, you'd think I'd be done for a while after that one, wouldn't ya? Right...
Bright and early the next morning, Sunday, we were at church after Sunday school chatting with John's best buddy Monte. John was standing near the top of the stairs with a full cup of coffee and you guessed it! I decided to tease him about something and playfully put my arm around his neck and whap! Another full cup of coffee murdered. Luckily this time it only went on his shoes (and all over the stairs...).
Sometimes I try to claim to have a brain tumor so that maybe people will "understand" my spazzy, clumsy ways. No one believes it for. A. Second. Can't blame a girl for trying.
You are not alone! You may be a little bit more of a spaz, but I think it runs in the family :)
Posted by: Ashley | Monday, June 04, 2007 at 01:07 PM
Wow to all your stories. Can't believe the masturbation story . . . perhaps I can. Another cup of coffee, huh?
Posted by: Lily | Monday, June 04, 2007 at 09:16 PM
I followed you.
Posted by: Sally | Tuesday, June 05, 2007 at 06:05 AM
I love your blog... :) I am locked into this place, so I won't read another note on the other blogs! ;)
Posted by: Nate | Tuesday, June 05, 2007 at 12:32 PM
although I hate the robot check at the end of posting!!! ;)
Posted by: Nate | Tuesday, June 05, 2007 at 12:32 PM
We need to get you a t-shirt that says something along the lines of "Give me your coffee or your life!"
You guys are a hoot :-)
Posted by: mont'ster | Monday, June 11, 2007 at 07:37 PM
Ok, so I just read this, and as a teacher, I LOVE THE MASTURBATION STORY. That is absolutely a joke I'd make. Not to my middle schoolers, because they haven't figured out that everyone knows about it, but soooo funny. Love it!
Posted by: Amy --- Just A Titch | Saturday, October 10, 2009 at 10:24 PM