1. Glance around sheepishly as your baby's crying kicks up impatiently (and draws extra attention) as you rifle through the diaper bag for your nursing cover.
2. Knock over diaper bag, spill out entire contents, and finally find cover on the bottom of the pile. Leave all assorted crap on the floor and get cover around your neck.
3. Get nursing bra unhooked as baby flails and kicks up cover just in time for you to flash (ginormous, stretch-marked) boob to a mortified looking teenage boy.
4. Blush hard as baby smacks lips and snorts LOUDLY in the process of getting latched on.
5. Get baby adjusted, finally, and look down only to see that your milk-stained bra and most of your stretched out stomach is hanging out the other side of the cover. Re-adjust.
6. Look down and catch baby smiling mid-suck. Your heart flutters. Then you realize that when she smiled she dribbled an entire mouthful of milk down your side and onto your pants. And all over her outfit. And yes, you forgot to pack an extra one for her. But you did remember to pack (among many other things which are lying on the floor) a jar of peanut butter and a spoon.
7. Cram a burp cloth under baby's chin to catch any more smile leakage. Just when she gets readjusted and comfy, she loudly poops. Like a huge tremendous insanely stinky poop. Catch teenage boy chuckling into his iPod.
8. Continue nursing until baby realizes she's pooped and starts wiggling and flashes your boob again.
9. Change diaper on your lap without a pad (while your boob is hanging out under the nursing cover). Baby pees on you at the exact second you are switching from dirty diaper to clean diaper.
10. Bust out the diaper wipes. After using approximately 19.5 wipes and stripping baby naked, determine she is clean enough for new diaper.
11. Flip baby over to second boob. Repeat entire process.
12. March both your butts over to Target and buy entirely new outfits. Change in dressing room. Eat entire box of Milk Duds before you arrive at the checkout.
Moral of the story: Motherhood is not for wimps.
Oh my, I need to stop reading your blogs during class because its very hard to stifle the chuckles. I've already received a few sideways glances.
Posted by: Jenny Penk | Wednesday, October 01, 2008 at 03:00 PM
Love it!! I am glad you tried nursing in public. It took me awhile to get there but there is a lot of freedom with it!@
Posted by: Caroline | Wednesday, October 01, 2008 at 04:41 PM
hilarious!!
Posted by: auntie | Wednesday, October 22, 2008 at 02:57 PM
Blogs are so informative where we get lots of information on any topic. Nice job keep it up!!
Posted by: Finance Dissertation | Monday, October 19, 2009 at 02:43 AM