I used a lot of parentheses in this post to help with the awkwardness (you're welcome).

So up until yesterday there was some question about whether or not I am knocked up. 

(I'm not.  Don't freak out.)

(No, we weren't trying to get pregnant again already.)

(Married people are allowed to HAVE SEX by the way, it's NOT GROSS.  Unless it's your parents, that is. *shudder*)

(Quite obviously, that's how babies are made.  Even us.  That one time they did it. EWWWW.)

(And sometimes, welp, married people are spontaneous too.)

ANYWAY.  A few weeks ago the married people who live in our house (us) had a little (spontaneous) fun.  And then?  Soon after that?  As in ALMOST IMMEDIATELY AFTER THAT?  The female member of the married couple (me) started showing signs that she was ovulating.  I know because of this book [which you women of the reproductive persuasion MUST read and then force all your lady friends to read.  I am not so much into the birth control method it suggests but the medical info?  Changed My Life] and because the last time things happened in this order?  This arrived nine months later.

YOU GET THE POINT.  There was a possibility that "oops!  Might have just gotten pregnant!"  And for a stretch of moments it was really, truly scary to think that we might be jumping back on the Pregnancy Truck and then welcoming a new member to our family before Syd even turns two.  I'm not saying that if you pull a Britney Spears and have two kids very very close in age that there's anything wrong with you (unless you're also married to Kevin Federline and then shave your head and cover it up with a pink wig and smack cars with umbrellas, then yes, there IS something wrong with you).  It's probably just not (ok it totally wasn't) how we imagined doing things in OUR family.  And then again?  It was exciting to think that the decision would be out of our hands, that our "plans" were being thwarted and we might be welcoming a new member to our family!  Call us crazy, but we think our Sydney is amazingly awesome and wonderful and the coolest person out of all three of us BY FAR.  So yeah, we want another one a-those!! 

And so we hunkered down and waited. 

And waited.

And then I could take early pregnancy tests and they were negative.  Oh well, we'll see!

And then my period was late.  One day.  Then two.  Then three.  Still negative.

Holy crap!  What does this mean!?  Where are the HORMONES up in this joint?

And then, yesterday, nature took its course.  No baby on the way.  And so I'm back to my goals.  Lose another 15 pounds.  Maybe train for and run a half-marathon?  Get through coaching cross country in the fall ... my first head-coaching position.  Enjoy our baby girl a little bit longer.  Get projects done.  Enjoy the little routine we're (sorta) maintaining at our house.  Plan a vacation this summer.  Eat more dinners as a family.  Get this little girl walking and talking.  All good things.

Yet?

I think we're a little sad.  Despite the enormous, crazy INSANE life-change two children so close together in age would have represented to our (sometimes overbooked) family, we long for more sweet little spirits (and their spit up and poop laundry too) in our home.  Over the past few weeks we've really had to have The Serious Talk about More Kids and at the end of it?  All things considered?  Even the scary things (most importantly being that Manda is the most complain-y expectant lady EVER)?  We would have been thrilled to be pregnant right now.

And we will be thrilled when it's time (again). 

Because this is all about "have" ... and not "have not."  And we have something awesome going over here.  That's blowing our minds and molding us into the best possible versions of ourselves.  That's teaching us the true meaning of the things that are so vastly more important than what we could come up with ourselves.  And that, friends, is worth building on.  Worth being thankful for.  Worth it all (even the poop).

(working hard on Daddy's Fathers Day gift.)

Comments

[Rachel]

I totally recommend the half-marathon before getting pregnant. But don't be 5 weeks on race day, it will slow you down.

[Elsha]

It was a weird sort of revelation for me after I got married to think, "wow, I could get pregnant and that would be just fine because I am MARRIED and therefore allowed to have sex!"

Also, right before Christmas (Kalena was 6 months) there was a minute there where I thought I might be pregnant and freaked out. I wasn't (obviously) but I realized that whenever it happens, 9 months is plenty of time to get used to the idea of having another one.

[Katie]

Because i'm still breastfeeding, I haven't had a normal period yet, but I think I have signs of ovulating every now and then...which has led to the exact same situation in our house at least twice since Alice was born. The first was around Christmas, when she was 3 months old. That was a little scary.....but then kind of a little sad when the tests were negative.

Regardless, I got an iud and now feel a bit better about waiting another year....

[Nora]

We had a couple :) similar situations when Bethany was 2 months (WHAT WOULD I HAVE DONE?????) and when she was 10 months. The one at 2 months, I actually had a false positive pregnancy test. I didn't even think that was possible, but it was one of those digital reads... anyway, I took a second test the next day (negative) and pulled out the sticks and compared them...they were the same. Then came my period and life returned to normal.

[Lizzie]

It's funny that once you get used to an idea, it's almost like you've decided it's going to happen that way. I don't mean YOU, I mean the "one" kind of "you", I mean that's how things work in my head.

I put that book on hold at the library, because I LOVE IT when people talk books. And then I can be smart like you.

[larmar]

:)
who says it's so hard having two kids so close together?

oh, well, i do. but other than that?!

i've been working on a post for about 2 weeks now. can't seem to get it done. i'm not sure why...

[Courtney Adams]

It's fun having kids 14 months apart!! Just takes some getting used to! Ha! I was still nursing Chase and had gotten my first period...we weren't not trying to have another one so soon, but obviously something worked! Going for my 6 week check-up at the gyno on Thursday...still not sure whether to let nature take her course and try our luck or wait another year or so...tempted but I think I need a year off!

[anne nahm]

If you feel sad, take a walk down memory lane here, and be happy: http://www.lets-panic.com/

Conversely, if you are like me and reading that site with an infant in your lap, read that site, be happy, and then realize it's all too true, and then be sad again.